It is self love Tuesday and todays topic is self worth. A lot of people talk about it, some people have it and others don't. You see my mission is to empower as many women as I can to love themselves and know their worth. You might wonder what's made me so passionate about this topic. My reasoning is personal. I am going to share my story in hopes that even if I can't reach my mom I can reach someone like her.
My mom who I love dearly has had an issue with confidence since I was a kid. I noticed first when I was about 10 years old. She entered into her first toxic relationship that changed the course of our lives forever. But lets talk about the person she was before. My mom was a strong, hardworking beautiful women that had so much confidence it radiated off of her. I never told her but at that time I wanted to be just like her. Even though my mom worked hard we still seemed to just barley scrap by. When she met Mr. Wrong things quickly began to get a whole lot worse
He intensified everything. He abused my entire family. We all suffered verbal and mental abuse. There was also physical and sexual abuse. I remember praying everyday asking my mom to wake up and see this was not love and something we should have to endure. Once she got out of that she began a pattern of getting into toxic relationship all with similar traits. They all needed something. They didn't work. Some had substance abuse problems. They all seemed to play some type of mind game. There was not one of them that deserved my mom she did everything, she worked, paid the bills, jumped whenever they wanted something and often times left my brother and I on the back burner. To say I was angry is putting it lightly. As I got older I started to semi understand what some of my mom issues were. It seemed to be a combination of the way she was raised, past trauma, and self punishment. Although Buddy god rest his soul was kind hearted and loving my mom always felt a little lost because she didn't know her real dad. I also believe that the first relationship left her with some serious scars (PTSD). I also believe because of all the horrible things that happened to us she is punishing herself for not standing up for us and herself.
Truly it's heart breaking. I am not sure what else to do for her. Even as I write this she is in another terrible relationship. This one is probably the worst. I can't get through to her but maybe if your reading this and you need some encouragement I can get through to you.
If you've ever been in a situation like this or if your in it now I want to be the last person to tell you to GET OUT! I don't want to hear you're working on it or how you love him. Love yourself sweetheart. Love yourself enough to know you are worth so much more. As women I feel like sometimes we tend to settle. We settle because we don't know what's out there or we don't think we can obtain something great. We are often told to lower our standards and whatever he has to offer will have to do. It's not true. You are worth the stars and the moon. You are worth the compliments and hugs and love that you are not getting.
The only way to get that though is by leaving and learning to love yourself. Self love is so important. You have to love yourself to truly love anyone else. What you're doing is using someone else to fill in the gaps. It can't work. You will never feel complete like this. I get it, you've probably been through a lot, seen so much hurt or been hurt yourself. However, staying in a relationship when you don't know your self worth will only allow him to take advantage of you. He knows you are not going to leave that's why he continues to mistreat you. If you are scared to leave because your a victim of abuse I will leave a few links for you to save. If you are staying because you have no where else to go message me personally and I will help you look for some resources in your area. I want you to go out and live your best life alone if you have to but happy and loved the right way. So Ill end this by saying know your worth sis, if you're unhappy, unloved, or abused walk away. It might be hard, it might be scary but I promise it will be worth it. Sending you so much love and a virtual hug.
If you remember nothing else you are beautiful, you are loved and you are worth the stars and the moon and so much more. If you are worried about your browsing history being tracked please follow the steps they show in the link. https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/internet-safety/
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